Peace is good. Good and hard. Hard and good.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)

The last 130ish days have been the beginning of a new process in life. I’m feeling a lot of uncomfortable things that I haven’t allowed myself to feel ever before. Then the Lord has been training me to not act on these uncomfortable feelings.

What I can see it being produced is a general peace and ability to deal with otherwise awkward or difficult relationships and conversations and live with the consequences without coping in some way. In previous versions of myself, I would have hidden, ignored, or even run the other direction from these things.

The peace and stability in those situations is of nearly infinite value. However, internally, I don’t feel good, most days. I recently have written some pretty emo journal entries. It feels harder to feel hopeful these days. Operative word: feel hopeful.

That’s why the command is to actively set your mind on things ahead (Philippians 3) and on things above (Colossians 3).

The positive part of this is that when I find myself having conversations with other people, I feel much more prone to want to give encouragement and build them up than maybe ever before for some reason.

On the one hand, I would like to feel more happiness in my life. On the other hand, I wouldn’t trade this season for much at all.

It’s not often in life you can actually see your own growth happening before your eyes, but I do sense that is what is going on right now. Whether or not it leads to marriage is immaterial, because I know that these types of character strengths that only are tested under fire can only inure to the benefit of a family. It certainly inures to the benefit of the friendships I have.

I would much rather be here than have the things I’ve thought that I’ve wanted for many years: wife, kids, health, company that is winning, or whatever else.

If I ever reengage with another person in a special way, I can only see this process being a good thing, in the end.

The promise of discipline is peace, righteousness, and fellowship with the Lord. He can give those things because they’re all a part of the unshakable kingdom that He has promised (Hebrews 12:28).