Watching Concrete Dry
There was a day awhile ago that I asked the Lord that I might grow. I asked him to do more than simply help me change my behavior – that’s something I’ve asked for that many times.
This time was a different. I had a wake up call when I realized that I did not want to end up as a 40-year-old single man who still regularly deals with sexual sin. And not just sexual sin — to put it positively, I want to be a 40-year-old man (single or married) who has taken my thoughts, activities, habits, desires, and impulses to the Lord in surrender.
So, I asked the Lord to change my character. I have never asked Him that before, but praying this way has given me opportunity to ask new questions, like:
I know bad character when we see it. But, how do I define bad character?
Character is usually described in fixed, inflexible terms: “he has bad character,” or “she has great character,” followed with, “The leopard won’t change its spots. In Christ, we agree that character can change when someone is regenerated. But what about a Christian who still has bad character traits? Are those people fixable, or are they fixed?
At what point does behavior change turn into character change?
Changing a habit is simple behavior modification, which is not the same thing as a change in character. How do you change your character?
In a letter that I wrote to a old friend during this process, this is how I described where I felt like I was:
I am learning that when a new foundation needs to be laid in any area of life, it takes a long time and the process and progress seem very slow and uncomfortable. It feels like watching concrete dry. I know it’s happening, but I don’t know how fast it’s going, and if I touch it to see how dry it is, I might short-circuit the process.
I’m more of a sprinter by nature. I like projects that take intense focus for a short period of time, and then move on to the next thing. At the beginning of this character change journey, it was much easier to go into “turbo mode” and say, “I gotta buckle down for 90 days and stop any of this inappropriate sexual expression.”
But then you get to 90 days, and what happens? I’ll let you in on a little secret…
NOTHING.
I’m wearing the same clothes, have the same job, go to the same church, have the same money, and am just as single as I was on day 89. Then what?
Perhaps this is where the character building process actually happens. There is no longer a daily or even weekly (or maybe even monthly) desire to engage in the lusts of the flesh. But has my character changed yet?
It’s hard to tell. I’m coming out of sprint mode, and getting into a groove that will need to last for the rest of my life. It’s probably going to take longer than 90 days.
Some character development may initially take a little sprinting to get on the right track. In order to put in the kind of work that can regularly continue for the rest of my life, I’m getting the sense that I need to get really comfortable doing boring things over and over and over again. In fact, I think I need to find the joy, peace, and the work of God in these things I would have formerly called, “boring.” I think this may be part of what Paul talks about when he tells the Corinthians:
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. (1 Corinthians 13:11)
Children eat candy for breakfast. Young men on a muscle gain cycle hit their calorie numbers by going to 7eleven and eating Skittles and cookies. This is like the impulse to always need something new to keep stimulated. I’ve been like that my whole life.
The transition from Skittles to steak is taking a little while which I don’t think is a bad thing. It would make sense that for awhile, my taste buds are going to have to recalibrate. Eventually, the steak will start to taste better. Then, I won’t want Skittles at all. I’ve seen this before, I know it will happen again.
Yet on the other hand, children also have the awe and wonder of life to be excited to go on the same ride over and over again. Getting to the point of having a few years of new character under my belt will take a continued putting away of childish things, and putting on a childlike faith.
Finding the ways to enjoy the new normal of life rather than feel like I have to hunker down and endure is the next step to getting through the rest of this 100 days and then the next 100 and the next 100 and the next 100.
As my new friend Lincoln Lawing told me recently something like this, “Men were created for the chase. We should be asking the Lord how we can live out the Great Commission. It’s the purest form of the chase we can experience.”
Chasing the Lord and then chasing the lost — by God’s grace, it won’t get old. Good word, Lincoln.
